Okay so I read a blog post from a blockmate who gave me a rose last V-day.

Sure I worried about what will happen next but I never really planned what to do. This is basically the first time to go this far without any bad reaction from someone I liked.

Not to brag but I have received a lot of roses from people since I was in grade school. It is really flattering to know that someone likes or admires you. Most of those people were my friends then. And they remained just as friends after that. It had been really awkward for me to be friends with people who like me as more than a friend so eventually, I tried to stay away from them then. I tried to avoid them so as not to hurt them more. It was because of fear that I might hurt them if they knew that I don't like them or that I just treat them as a friend, nothing more and nothing less. But as time passed and year by year, I learned a lot from those things. I may not be aware then that I was learning. I learned a lot about people's reactions and feelings. And I realized, avoiding someone who likes you will hurt twice as more as they would know that you don't like them more than a friend. It will be better for them to let them know that they don't have any chance at all than making them wait in vain. They told me that.

And so I most likely ended up being friends with all of them. Then, I learned how to be straight-forward with my feelings. If they don't stand a chance, tell them.

Entered HS and more mature, same things happened. A super friend of mine liked, or should I say, loved me as more than a friend. But the thing is, I don't see him as more than a friend. He was just a friend to me. And I hated that fact. But then again, I can't do anything about it. I can't do anything about my feelings because I can't force myself to like a person more than a friend. He was willing to do everything for me. I knew that. He loved me that much. And I hurt him. I made him cry. He knew I didn't like him as more than a friend. I learned already not to make anyone wait in vain. I learned not to make anyone have false hopes. So I was straight-forward to him. I made him feel that back in 1st year HS. He came back when we were in Junior HS. I still see him as a friend. He had always been a friend. I had hurt him more than the rejection he felt two years before that. Because at that time, I liked someone really bad. Only to find out that he was a jerk, an asshole; he made a fool out of me. But again, I learned from that. I don't easily believe what people tell me anymore. It took almost half a year to move on from the pain. Still up to this day, it's hard for me to trust someone. I always think that they're just making a fool out of me, which sucks. It comes with the quote that, "All a girl needs is just one guy, to prove to her that not all men are not the same." I know that. I just don't believe it yet. Maybe because I haven't found that guy. Maybe I had or have, it's just that I don't or didn't see that person as more than a friend. So yeah, we still remain as super friends up to this day. I run to him whenever I have guy problems. But still, I feel he is a bit bitter about things, which makes him annoying at times.

So now, it happened once again. A friend likes me. But I don't see him as more than that. I see him as just a good friend. It's not my fault that I am so nice to him. I am basically nice to every person I know. To cut to the chase, he doesn't stand any chance. Basically because I just see him as a friend.

He said, "This is basically the first time to go this far without any bad reaction from someone I liked." It's because I didn't want to be rude. It would hurt his feelings, you know? I know so. If you gave someone something and he/she won't appreciate it or just thank you for it, won't you be hurt? That's the same thing as that. I wasn't brought up by my parents to be rude.

I just hope he would notice my neutrality about things. I don't want anything to change because of the friendship. I just hope my blockmates won't make a big fuss about it. They were really excited when they knew the day after and excitedly asked my if he has a chance. I wasn't able to say it personally and I just told them to talk to me in YM. Two of my close friends already know that I just see him as a friend.

Because you know, there is this fine line between being friends and more than friends.