I dreamt you already have someone and it's not me.

Soooo. I dreamt about him. :(

He signed on to YM again whew, for 48 years, he did. I'm exaggerating but yeah. Then PMed me. Asked what's up and all. Then he told me he already has a girlfriend. DUDE, SERIOUSLY, I NEVER THOUGHT THAT WOULD HURT THAT MUCH. My heart was crushed to a million pieces like literally. It's like I was gonna die. Just 'like', but not really. It's sad. But I pretended to be happy for him. "Talaga?! Whoo! At long last!" Something like that. :( He then showed me the picture and told him, "She seems nice. :D Is she? And she looks like my friend, only she's thinner. :))"

Then I figured they were also talking to each other. Then he said, "there's a barney concert blah blahhh. you gonna come?" then idk, he said, "i thought she was joking. totoo pala. hahaha" pero nakakapagtaka, asking me if I'm gonna go when I'm in the Philippines! He even wrote something down on the paper while I was away. I think that was the time I went to my room, and was almost in the verge of tears but was holding it back. :(

Then i cant remember anymore... next thing, we were texting. nallowbatt pa ko, charged it. using 2 phones. i cant remember the text conversations anymore. Dude, we were texting! And he's still there, I'm still here in the Phils.

Well at least he told me. And he talked to me again. But that was just a dream.

What was that supposed to mean? :(

Probably if he would have a girlfriend, he'd tell me?
He's already courting someone there?
That if i don't forget him now, I'd prolly get hurt even more than the hurt I felt in that dream?
Or if I do forget him now, and he would have a girlfriend, that's how much it would hurt me?
Or that's how much it would hurt that it wasn't me in that girl's position, that's how much I will regret it?

What was that supposed to mean?
Should I forget him? I mean, the feeling I have for him and let it die down?
Or should I not?
Or that it should be me in the girl's position instead? Or no?

:(

I really never thought that would hurt.

I woke up. I never intended to get up and sit again in front of the computer. But I just had to blog about this....

And I just had to check his Myspace profile. When just yesterday I told myself that that would be the last time I'd check his profile until the feeling I'm feeling dies down. But now what, I checked it. Cos the last time I checked, he was still single.

I was hoping that it would be the same.

And it still was the same.

Gladly.

But, him being with another girl hurt me. Scared me. Pained me.

I now know that that's a fact.

So now what? :( :(