i'm sad. cos i dont get to hang out with my highschool super friends anymore. :( i so miss them. i've missed out on a lot of things cos i was busy minding other things. that sucks.

i wanna break free with my parents' slightly protective hands. they're really cool about everything you know. they let me free. but still there are times that i feel that the people i know are free-er than me. you know? i just want to enjoy life. college, in general. i just wonder if they trust me enough to let me go. their actions are acceptable given that i'm the youngest and only girl. but come on, i'm turning 17. i'll be 18 the next year. how am i supposed to live life this way?

i want to learn to explore the world. commute. and be independent. there are a lot of things i want to do but given that i'm always fetched to and from school, how am i going to do that? i know my limitations. i know what's right from wrong. you know if i commit any mistakes and i know that i need their help, i will go to them. it's just that there are things that i want to do better just by myself. it's not that i want to break free from them, i just want to be free-er with the things i want to do.

its not bad things. its what i ought to do. in school. and need to do. for my friends. i'm already in college. how come other parents let go of their children when they set off for college? you get how i feel?

and my brothers, especially the third one, i don't get how close-minded he can get. i know whatever it is i need to learn in life at this age. i know i've been brought up really well. i'm not being know-it-all, i just know that i do.

if they know me really well, they would let me be. 'cos i know i can do this. i am strong. if i am to commit mistakes, then let me commit it. how can i know what life is if i am full of spoon feeding? how can i know what's out there, in the real world, if i am tied with them? i like how my brothers just get to go out wherever they will go, they may.

i wonder if i already have my own car, will i get to go out just like them? not go out like go out in bars and all that. no. go out just because. go out to visit friends. go out cos i need to. it's not me being selfish. it's just me as a person and human being wanting to be free of all this.

no, they don't know what i'm thinking of. and so i thought parents would know what their child thinks. no they don't. at least with mine. they think i think really shallow you know? they treat me as a kid. which of course, i don't really object cos im the youngest in the family. and its nice to be treated that way. and be able to make lambing whenever you feel like it. but there are this boundaries that i need to be my age. reality check right? damnit, i'll be a college sophomore next term already! it'll be full of night classes and plates and sleepless nights. and i'd be surprised if they tell me that i need to go to sleep early. i just don't get them sometimes.