Happy.

I'm happy now. It may not be ultimate happiness, but to the extent that I can smile with no pretentions or no hint of irony. I like it that way. It makes me feel so good. It even looks good on me.

It's been a while since I smiled like that. And a smile that you cannot take off your face... it's something. Like you're just happy. And that's just that. No plastics. No masks.

Though there still are inhibitions, this is one step to break free of the prison that is me.

Thank You, Lord. For everything. For making my mind think clearer now. For things to be okay.. mostly between him and me. And that's enough for me. I can go on with my life now. Though I didn't exactly pray it to you, but I asked for it. I never thought it would come true. And that one conversation was enough. Sure I will always want more.... but maybe not now. Sure I can tell him about how i feel. But I choose not to. I'm not so much a risk taker when it comes to these things. But for being friends this long? Even if he's so far away? And we were 'something' before, and everyone knew it? Sure there's gotta be a reason why. Maybe we're not really meant for each other. Maybe we're supposed to be friends. And to be in each other's lives no matter what. And I can live with that. I don't want to lose a great friendship because of that. Sure he might feel the same. But if he did, he might have told that already. But no. Anyways... this friendship is enough. I can't afford to lose it. I really can't.

I now know that things wouldn't be the same anymore. And that I should let go. And im glad things ended happily, on my side. Things were clearer.

Seriously, it felt really really good feeling that. You're not in a cloud 9, you're not sad or lonely. Just enough. Light. Free. Ang ganda nung smile ko kanina e. Pati yung mata, napaka-light. Walang sadness na nakikita. No holding back of smile e. Sobrang sarap ng feeling, priceless. Especially you're with super friends pa. Good times. Ang sarap mag-smile ng ganon. Sana ganun lagi.

Thank You, Lord.