i gotta get over this.

we're miles away from each other. it's fairly impossible for his feelings to come back again. we've been off to different lives for 6 years. for 6 years we havent seen each other. we haven't talked straightly for 6 years. but we get the chance to communicate at least once a year.

it's just that i was hoping. i dont know why i am. or maybe this is what we call the 'first love never dies' thingy. but i dont know. we were young! what do we know about love then? i just knew it wasn't the right time.

i just want him to talk to me like TALK. real talk. real conversation. i wanna know what's he been up to. how is he. what's new in his life. or whatever there is in his life.

but i have come to think of it, we were never really close. we were just.. friends. i liked him back in grade 1 and 2. he liked me back. he courted me in 4th and 5th grade. thing is, we were young. we didnt know what we know now. its just different, you know?

and he left. but we kept in touch. i just miss him so bad you know? i dont know if he does. whatever. i still care. a lot. but yeah, does he? i wanna be friends friends with him. like real friends. like get to talk to him whenever. but his life's different from mine. how's that going to happen? WE were just a thing of the past. his past, my past.

now, we're just.. that, friends. i just miss him really bad. i have felt this feeling before. thing is, im always afraid. so i always avoid things like this. things that i know would make me happier. i can still remember his face when he went on webcam.

maybe they're right. when we talk about the past, maybe we'll just laugh over it. and maybe cuz is right. to not hope that he'll go back again to me. we were young. we didnt know any better.

maybe just being really friends with him will do. i miss his kakulitans. that's the way i knew him. it's always nice to go back and reminisce the past. but it will be forever the past. whatever God's plan is, i leave it all up to Him.

i just wanna know what's going on in his mind.

but i know i gotta get over this. im not being myself lately. im not being better.

ALL I KNOW IS I JUST MISS HIM SO MUCH! WHATDUHELL RIGHT? gah.
he makes me smile a lot. even then. he always did.

he has everything i wished for yknow. i just wasnt aware cos we were young. and now i know better and older and wiser, i wished things would go back to the way it was between him and I.

but i know it's impossible.
cos everythings just diff.

i just hope to see him soon. and be with him. just hangout. old times.

i care. and i love him. not that way but just love him. maybe just a little bit further than my superfriends.

i just gotta let this pass. so ill get to talk to him with no feelings like this at all. it makes me hard to talk to him like this.

i just hope he knows that i miss him. :) but he doesn't so.. yeah.