In the blogging world, everyone knows each other. Not everyone, everyone, but it's like a cycle. People are linked to each other's blogs and when they bloghophophop... tadah! They get connected to each other through those links. Duh, that's why it's called a link. What I mean is that, they bloghop, comment, and next thing they are reading each other's blogs daily and they exchange links. I've done that a lot of times already way backkk. And now I'm lazy to do that.

But whenever I do, I just get frustrated. I really am strucked with the way people write. The fact that they have lots to talk about, they have opinions on things, they get to put metaphors on their writings, they make you feel how they feel, and the very fact that they don't put all their randomness in their sites is just.. whoa!

Anyway, I went bloghopping last night and as I said, I am really amazed by the way how people write these days. They write their thoughts VERY well. I just don't get how they do it. Or maybe, I just don't know how to do it like that. I am pretty much literal, blah and plain.

I've been away from the blogging world for almost 1 year and when I came back for real, it really surprised me how the blogging world pretty much changed and had new people in it. The old old bloggers I knew are not here anymore but there still are those old bloggers left. Everyone and everything is just new that I have to familiarize myself with it all over again.

Their graphic design skills is whacked too! Very attractive and creative.

I don't know if these bloggers will inspire me to be better or just make me feel bad about myself. I know I should not feel bad but it's just what I feel. I wasn't like this before.

I lack inspiration. I lack creativity. I lack organization.

Laziness comes to me first. I hate it.

Now that I am in college and a Multimedia Arts major, a thing which I love doing the most, this should be the time to be more inspired to do well and get more creative. Now's the time that I should try to squeeze MOREEE creative juices out from my freakin' brain. But it has become the opposite. I get discouraged and frustrated easily. I get pressured with a lot of things. I THINK ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS. Sometimes, I think that I just think too much.

But today, I realize more that I have really lost myself and I can't seem to find some of the shattered pieces still.

I AM HAPPY and contented with my life right now. I really am. But I don't know why I feel this way.

A person said to me just 2 hours ago, "Hindi na kita kilala." I don't know why but I haven't changed a freakin' bit! It's still me. I'm still the same old me, only better.

But I want to be better than better. I just don't know how to and if there's still something better than better already. I need discipline but I don't know how to get me discipline myself in such a way that I will be really disciplined. All my life, I've been organizing my life. I have my plans and my goals. But I don't seem to even cross-out two of them in a month! Talk about being a life organizer. It's no use.

Maybe I just need something that I have yet to know.

Or maybe.. I just need more drama in my life. WTF, more drama? I'm such a dramatic/emotional person and I'm still needing more drama in my life? WTF. But then, my life now is not as dramatic as it had been before. It's okay, fine, good, great, or better yet described as smooth-sailing.

Now is that a good or bad thing?
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1:18am
11.14.07