After 1 year and 3 months, I got to read the stories I posted here. Yay. It made me reflect back during those times I was still stupid. You know how things are when you're young: inexperienced, stupid, and impulsive. Gah. I can tell that during that interval of time, I have really learned a lot. I have changed into someone better. I emerged stronger and better. It made me feel really good after I have finally moved on. It made me realize about things, about life, about the world.

Reflecting back, I see the old me, still young and stupid. But that young and stupid girl was full of strength. She's someone who never gives up. She never loses hope and she knows what's right from wrong. I miss that girl. It's not that I do not know what's right from wrong anymore. I do know. What I really miss is the fact that that girl never gives up and never loses hope, someone full of strength and light in her eyes. She can handle things, even if it is difficult.

Right now, I really need that girl. The old me, I miss her. I don't know what certain reason made that girl fly away from the me now. I miss the positivity I bring about to everyone, even to myself. I miss the fighting spirit I have. I miss the way I handle things and manage my life. I miss the way how I never lose hope. I miss the girl I was before.

I don't know, maybe I am just so preoccupied with things. A LOT OF THINGS. I've graduated high school already, went to college on a trimester basis. I am happy. But there's always this BUT when I say "I am happy". I wanna say I am happy. Just that, no ifs and no buts.

Maybe, I am just too stressed with things I should do. And should have done. And should not have done. Maybe I just think a lot. Maybe I should just take it easy, just like what a friend said.

I changed for the better. But there's this part of me that's left. It's a big part of me, and it's something that I need to go back and look for. I may have dropped it accidentally while I was on my way to the light. I have dropped my one and only weapon; a weapon I use to see the light. I didn't want to let go of it. But I guess, I just did, obliviously. I know, it sucks. I hate it. What can I do now, right?

I should live the present, the now. I shall not dwell on the past. I shall think of the future. But live for today. It may be easily said, but it's hard to play the role. Life's hard but you gotta deal with it. It's not something you can just throw away. It'll be hard to find it back.

Anyway, while I was reading my posts.. I was laughing and commenting on the stories. It was really funny. I mean, way back, maybe I was crying and being sad with the stuff but now.. I realize how stupid I am for being that way. But then again, it's not something I regret anymore. At least, I experienced that thing. Being hurt, and all. It was a special thing. It's something I will carry on as I go by. At least, the next time I'm gonna have to deal with these stuff, I know what to do. And I will be less stupid already. :)

Sometimes, I wish things would go the the way back when things were still simple. Things have changed, and it became really complicated. It's sad. Then again, it's something we have to face and deal with.

I miss the happy faces and enlightening smiles I see on the faces of the people I love the most. It rarely happens now. :(